Complexities of growing up as a non-binary teen
As we commemorate Human Rights Day and Teen’s Day in the month of March, we spoke to a young non-binary teen. This is what they had to say on the complexities of growing up non-binary.
Growing up, I never felt as though being homosexual was forbidden, some of my mom’s friends who identified as gay would come to the house regularly, so it was normal for me to see people comfortable in their skin. I was about seven when I wanted to stop wearing dresses, skirts etc, I just did not feel comfortable in them. My mom then let me pick whatever clothes I wanted to wear, and that’s when I started my “tomboy phase” as my family members would call it.
When I was twelve, I started questioning my sexuality. “Am I gay? Do I like girls and boys? Do I want to be a boy?” With questions like this, I did a lot of introspection and for about a year I had come to the conclusion that I liked boys and girls because my older cousins were always talking about how they would protect me from any boys who broke my heart, so, I assumed that I had to like boys, so liking boys and girls was easier for me to explain to them.
After my 13th birthday I was questioning myself again, this time unsure about the fact that I liked boys, because I had crushes on only girls. I then kind of realized that I liked girls, after a bit of research I found out that the term they used was Lesbian. I did a lot of research just trying to understand myself. In doing my research I came across the term “non-binary”, and I remember feeling relief, that I’m not the only person who doesn’t want to be confined by my gender.
Something that I will always be grateful for is my mom, who does not make me feel uncomfortable because of my choice in sexuality, she understands that love is love whether it is with a cis-gender couple or a homosexual couple, she has always supported and loved me loud, my little sister makes it a point to wish me a happy pride month on the first of June. Last year she made me a pride month flag. Despite all the support I get from my mom and sister, there will always be people who don’t support or agree with my preferences.
My cousin is homophobic and doesn’t believe that men should be with men or that women should be with women. That has always been a worry of mine, that my preferences will create tension between me and the people that I care about. I think that the world is changing, and people are not afraid to be themselves anymore. Growing up, the adults in my life were always welcoming and understanding. I just hope that other non-binary kids like me can have that kind of support and love, I hope to see other kids loving and embracing themselves.
In South Africa, topics on sexuality have always been taboo and violence has always been a way for people who don’t agree with it to show their disapproval. I think that the government could enforce stricter laws around gender-based violence and create a safe space for people who just want to be themselves. I want people who identify as non-binary to know that it is more than okay to not want to conform to gender norms, you can be you and you don’t have to put a label on yourself.
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